Yes well

Up until a few days ago I completely failed at everything I tried to do. I went all the way up to 212lbs which is the highest I have ever been. There is quote I read recently that said it is difficult to try to be perfect but impossible to be perfect. So I am trying again and again. I am moveing into raw foods for about a week now and I am loveing it! I am already down to 206!! YAY

Yeha...sooooo....

I sucked. I did not keep my promise to my self, for all of dec or Jan,

But I am getting back on track. And that is what is important. It is soooo hard for me to get into a routine, of any kinda. But once I do, I am soooo much happier.

So here is my some what iffy scedual, that I am goona try to use this week, We shall see how it goes.

5:30 am get up, coffe, work out video. Shower when done and do all my girly crap.
7am get the son up and start breakfast
7;30am get the hubby person up
8am dishes and light cleaning
10am-11am GED study
11:30 start lunch prep
1-3pm cleaning and crap
5pm start supper
6 eat and bath time for child.
7 bed time for child
10 pm bed time for me

Lets see how it works.

Now for the bad part....i am goona go find my scale and weigh myself...

ick... 201.2

well the good news is that i did not gain weight during my 2 months of slacking off.I am hovering around 200.
I want to loose 5 lbs by the end of Feb. Healthy. That is the goal. Healthy.

This is so hard for me, I keep wanting to fall back on my old ways.

Fat girl here with eating disorders.

Once long ago I hit 190lbs and I decided to starve myself. and binge and purge. Not good. I did it anyway. Even had a skinny book. I lusted after tiny wasitlines. I knew the entire time I was being unhealthy, but I wanted the weight off. I can feel myself starting to drift that way again. We are not well off, money wise. So we rely on food stamps. With the rising cost of food recently, the budget got away from me, and I found myself with very little in the house this last week. I make sure the hubby and the kiddo eat. No problems there, But I know I am secretly glad I have an excuse to eat only once a day and a small portion. I need to get away from this thinking. Starvation mode is not something to fuck with. I know this.
Why am I so happy I can feel hunger pains then? I don;t know, but I do know I will have to talk to the hubby about this. I can not put my body threw that again. I know this, then why do i still feel this way. I do want to starve, I want to eat and be able to have fun working out. I want to be one of those people again who run for joy and stress relife.

Gads. I am screwed up, I am gonna go shower. even though I havent worked out yet.

Well its that time!

Well I have started my one month of making it a habit to move my but, so far so good. I can see it already as a hassle to remember to do so.

For example I want to do one of my videos right now, but a friend may be coming over. And I really don't want to be sweaty to see him, well I guess I will do it after he leaves.

And....a intro

So New Year's is a month away, and that means....New Years Resolutions. That time of the year where we all promise, we WILL change. I have been promising for about a decade now to loose weight. I am 23. Yhea. 

Never happened the way it was supposed to. I did develop a bout of bulimia, even lost allot of weight doing so, but kicked myself in the rear and realized I was a moron. Well this year I am going to be smart. I am getting a head start. Hehehe, you just wished you though of it first.

Any way. Here is my plan. The title of my blog gives the whole thing away actually.

It is a widely held belief that it takes one month to create a good habit and break a bad one. So I am going to break down the weight loss program into one month chunks and tackle it one small step at a time. My goal is to by next New Years have effectively changed my bad habits into good, One month at a time.

In order to break a habit, I believe you must have something to replace the "void" it leaves behind. This provides ample ground for great new habits to take place, but more commonly a even worse habit settles in for its lengthy stay. So I am NOT going to focus on BREAKING habits, at least not yet. I am going to focus all of my attention on CREATING good habits. So for the moment, I don't have to worry about the voids.

So let us look at the tenets of healthy weight loss.

1. You must move that butt! Sitting around all day makes us fat. Sorry people its true, a fact even. Working out is a VITAL part of any weight loss program as well as key in leading a good, happy, long life. I got a kind folks, I kinda want to be around to see great grand kiddies ya know.

2. Become a sponge. Yes I know that to you I make no sense, but my brain is funny that way. Don't care. Any way. Getting enough water is key, ample fluid intake, (water people, not soda) not only keeps you hydrated but flushes out toxins that make us feel like crud (go figure since it IS crud) it makes our sink healthier and also helps control appetite. 

3. Turn off the vacume. It pains me to say, but we eat tooooooo much. Put the fork down. We don't need it. We already had seconds. or was it thirds?

4. Is it GOOD though? Nutrition. Evil word. Well it is important. Eating small morsels of your current junk food is way better than eating the giant ones you did before. BUT junk is junk. Knowing what we are eating is vital.

5. This is my fat book. Well when we are new to this, we are like the newly blind. Lost. Food intake journals are important to see what we are REALLY doing. Opens eyes it does, you can see again. I will not promise what you will see will be pretty though.

Yhea well thats all I have on that. I think that with these rules, one can effect weight loss and learn to maintain a healthy life. I may be wrong. If I am, there is always New Year's 2012.

Okay. So . 

Hear are my rules.

My New Years Resolution is to follow the rules of this blog. <~~~~~that my friends is how you play mind games on your own mind. 

Since I am wanting to loose weight, I will be getting a head start on the first habit I want to create, just to give me a little extra kick in the rear and get motivated for New Years. 

I will work out to a FUN video for 30 mins, 3 times a week minimum, and take a 20 min walk outside, pushing my sons stroller 2 times a week. 

Okay good. I will do this.

I will.

I mean it.

Okay then. 

Now I am going to give for warning here. This blog is not a how to, or a nice follow my story blog. It most likely will loose all sense of "nice" in the coming months. I don't care. I am using this space on the net as my personal bitch space. Get over it.

My goal is to blog this whole darn thing. The ups and downs, and the bitchy. I will not fail, but if I do I want to know why. A record will provide that.

I am also going to use this space to record gross numbers, like my weight. KK then, glad we cleared that up.

Okay so weighing in at.......

Height 5'3

Body Frame: Medium

Weight: 200 even.

In Inches

Bust 48

Chest 41

Arm 12

Waist 46

Hips 41

Thighs 26

Calfs 15

And I can honestly say I have no clue what size clothes I wear. My Shirts are XL to XXL or 16 and up

My pants, well I like stretchy, and have for much to long. the one pair of jeans I have, fall down around my ankles, I THINK they are size 16. Not sure.

I don't do dresses really anymore, hate the way I look too much for them, so no clue.

My goal weight is 130lbs. Or untill I can wear hip jeans with out belly over hang, which ever is first. lol

Okay well that was a MAJOR post, so I am DONE